Should Rebecca Stay Out Of It?
by A Whisper Of Grace
Summary: Rebecca attends Nathaniel and Mona's engagement party, but finds something odd about Nathaniel's behaviour. Based on an interview by SMF and spec for Nathaniel's arc for the rest of the season.


"Well that wasn't awkward at all."

Rebecca reluctantly tore her eyes away from Nathaniel and the businessmen he was talking to. Technically, she didn't know for a fact that they were businessmen except for the suits that they wore, and to be fair all of the men here were wearing suits – it was an engagement party, after all – but they wore their suits like men who were used to wearing suits. "What wasn't awkward?" she asked Paula absently.

"I just saved Mrs Plimpton from Maya's education in feminism… or should I say, I just stopped Maya from saying something stupid to one of our boss's wife and our other boss's mother." Paula lifted her coat from the back of the chair beside Rebecca's and folded it over her arm. "I mean, I love where the girl's heart is, but let's be realistic –"

"Wait," Rebecca said, grabbing Paula's hand when she reached for her clutch. "What are you doing? You can't leave."

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Paula said, squeezing her hand before she slipped her hand out of her grip. "Scott and I have to go home and spend some time with the kids." She sighed. "Who am I kidding? I have to go home and do Tommy's homework." She grimaced in apology. "We can drop you home if you don't want to stay?"

Groaning, Rebecca slumped in her seat and put her face in her hands. Nathaniel and Mona's engagement party was not a place where she wanted to be caught with no back up, but she was supposed to be someone else's back up. "It's fine. I promised Darryl I'd be his wing man tonight."

Paula pulled a face. "Darryl's looking to pick up tonight?"

"No, Darryl's looking to avoid White Josh tonight. Not that it looks like he needs help at the moment," she added, nodding over to where Darryl was talking expressively with people she only vaguely recognised.

"Well if you're sure," Paula said, bending down to give her a hug. "Are you sure you don't want me to message you mean things about Mona? I know, I know," she said, waving her hand dismissively before Rebecca had a chance to object. "She's too nice and doesn't deserve it, blah blah blah. Let me know if you change your mind, I have some zingers ready to go."

With Paula gone, Rebecca turned her attention back to the party. Clearly no expenses were spared for a Plimpton. The sun had set not long ago, and as the night got darker the fairy lights hanging throughout the garden spread a muted light. The band was classy, the guests attractive, and so far the dancing was tame and the mood light and fun.

Not wanting to sit in the corner by herself at her ex-boyfriend's engagement party, Rebecca went over to join Darryl who, surprisingly, was telling his new friends all about his heritage. It only took her a minute to recognise them as lawyers from the Los Angeles branch, so she steered the conversation to work related matters, then groaned internally when that drifted to Nathaniel and his past in LA.

Searching the crowd, she found him quickly, talking to another group of people. A moment later Mona joined them and he smiled down at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Rebecca averted her eyes, but when she glanced back a moment later he'd already let his arm drop. Not long after, he shook the hand of the man he'd been talking to. Realising that she'd been staring, she tried to turn her attention back to the conversation Darryl was having with the LA lawyers, but of course they were still talking about Nathaniel, so she excused herself.

She walked slowly through the crowd, nodding and smiling to whoever met her eye, until she came across Tim and Jim. She latched onto their group, knowing they'd require the least amount of input. She tried to pay attention, made all the right noises at all the right times, but she kept finding her attention drawn to the one person that she didn't want to be thinking about.

It's not like she _wanted_ to be thinking about him. Frustratingly, it was hard to avoid it when every time she looked up, he was there. She watched as he worked the crowd, jumping from one group to another. Mona walked past her line of sight, and Rebecca realised that she hadn't seen the two of them together since not long after Paula had left, and before that when they'd done the speeches. Frowning, she looked back to Nathaniel, and saw him bringing his phone to his ear, waving an apology at the people he'd just been speaking to. She watched as he walked away from the main crowd to a quieter area of the garden, watched as he nodded his head emphatically, gestured with his hands, grinned his most emphatic grin.

Just like he always did when charming a client.

He was on a _business call?_

Scrunching up her face, she watched him until he wrapped up the call, then made his way to the main building where the toilets were. Rather than examining the anger that was bubbling inside her, she muttered something to Tim and headed for the toilets, pausing on the way to take a glass of wine from a passing waiter. Having downed it by the time she reached the building, she put the empty glass on the bar and headed inside.

Of course he was already headed back from the bathroom – stupid non-existent men's line for the toilet. He stopped when he saw her, his eyebrows lifting and his mouth parting, but whatever he'd intended to say was replaced by an unintelligible sound when she grabbed his arm and jerked him right back the way he'd come from. Ignoring his protests, opened a door to what looked to be an empty conference room. "Whatever this is, Rebecca, I don't have time –" Pulling him inside, she let go of his arm and flicked on the light, closing the door behind them.

She could hear the sound of the party through the window, closed though it was, but she shook off the distraction and focused on Nathaniel, who held up his hands, staring at her with obvious irritation. "Well?"

"Well?" she said right back at him. "How was your work call? Sweet-talking a big client? And how many deals have you made tonight with your guests? I'm assuming there's a lot of important people here tonight. It's not every day a Plimpton gets married after all, so better make use of the night to get some networking done."

Nathaniel shook his head at her in disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Still certain that she was right, she took a deep breath and powered on. "Don't you think you should be spending time with your fiancé at a function to celebrate how much you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together?"

He scoffed. "Actually, we're here to celebrate the mutually beneficial contract we're planning to sign, but same difference." Rebecca pulled a face in disgust. _Of course that's how he views marriage._ Sighing, he gestured in the direction of the party. "Did Mona look like she's unhappy with the amount of attention I'm giving her?"

Eyeing him warily, she thought back to when she'd last seen Mona. Yes, she hadn't been standing with Nathaniel, but she had to begrudgingly admit that she'd been smiling as she'd joined a group of girls who Rebecca assumed were her friends. As her anger slipped away, it was replaced by confusion – at the situation, at the feelings that it stirred within her. Letting out her breath, she dropped her shoulders and looked up at Nathaniel as something occurred to her. Nathaniel didn't seem overly excited about celebrating his love for Mona, and although she didn't know Mona enough to say the same for her, she certainly hadn't been all over her fiancé tonight. "Nathaniel… do you love her?"

Something undefinable crossed his face, but he looked away before she could examine it further. His shoulders clearly said discomfort when he shrugged them and they remained tense. "You don't need love to have a successful marriage," he said to the ground between them. "You just need two people on the same page who won't get in each other's way."

Leaning back, Rebecca crossed her arms over her stomach, trying not to look like those words had felt like a kick in the gut. " _Ouch_."

He ignored her reaction, but finally lifted his eyes, straightening his shoulders and lifting his chin in an obvious show of indifference. "Love isn't something we hold in high esteem in my family. If my parents love each other, they've never shown it around me, and they're getting by just fine. It's not necessary."

Rebecca held up her hand between them. "First of all, we all know that your family isn't the prime example of a well functioning family. If the sad thing you just described is true, then what your parents have probably isn't the ideal goal." Cocking her head, she looked at him earnestly. "And is that all you really want for yourself?" she asked, softening her voice. "Just fine?"

Nathaniel rolled his eyes, gesturing between the two of them. "Because wanting more than 'just fine' worked out so well for me last time, didn't it?"

Oh. "Nathaniel…" she started, struggling around the sudden lump in her throat. This was a bad idea. This is why she should have stayed out of it.

"What are you trying to do here, Rebecca? I'm marrying Mona. That is what people in my position do. I don't care what you think about it, or what you think about my family. I certainly don't care what you think about me. She doesn't make me crazy, or distract me from my work, or make me think I can be something I'm not. And great job, by the way," he continued, cutting her off when she tried to speak. She wanted to tell him that none of those things had to be bad things. He turned away from her, scrubbing at his face with his hands, but it didn't hide the bitterness in his voice. Or the sarcasm. "Looks like breaking up with me was worth it. You've clearly dropped all of the meddling and scheming."

 _Oh._ Rebecca felt her breath and her fight go out of her. "That's not fair," she said, her voice as small as she felt.

Nathaniel huffed a sigh and shook his head. "Whatever," he said dismissively, moving to step past her and reaching for the door.

"No," she said quickly, jumping forward to block his way. She _wasn't_ going to let him make her feel like this. Nathaniel pressed his lips together and looked away, clearly annoyed, but she wasn't going to let this drop. "Not whatever. Me talking to you now – this is not me being crazy and impulsive and making bad decisions. This is me trying to look out for someone who I really care out." She tilted her head, trying to force him to catch her eye, but he was very determinedly not looking at her. Well, she might as well get it all out now. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. "And I _have_ been doing better. I made a choice that was nothing about you and entirely about me, and I'm genuinely sorry if that hurt you but I _won't_ be sorry for choosing myself first. Like you should be choosing yourself first."

She fell silent, feeling sick from the twisting in her stomach, begging him silently to look at her, to say something, anything. He didn't move, didn't speak, just stared at the carpet with a stubborn, unreadable expression on his face. She wanted to reach out and smooth the crease on his brow, but pushed the urge deep, deep down. Biting her lip against its betraying tremble, she stepped back from the door. There – she'd had her say, and made everything ten times worse. "I'm sorry for interrupting your night," she said quietly. "You should celebrate it however you want to."

Without a word, he opened the door and slipped out, leaving her alone in the conference room. Dropping back against the wall, she covered her face with her hands, letting out a shaky breath.

It had been dark for a few hours, and the fairy lights spread throughout the open area of the garden created an atmosphere even more romantic and magical than they had earlier in the night. They also left enough darkness that Rebecca was left alone for the most part, sitting as she was on a bench at the outskirts of the open area. She tried to keep an eye on the party, glumly watching for signs that Darryl either needed her help or wanted to leave, but her attention kept wandering and her eyes kept dropping down to her feet. It didn't look like Darryl needed her for either reason anyway – he and White Josh had found each other a little while ago, and they'd had their heads together in conversation ever since. She'd watched for a sign that Darryl wanted an interruption, but when nothing came she'd had to resign herself to both her own thoughts and the knowledge that she probably wasn't getting out of here any time soon.

 _Why_ had she felt like she had to say something? What Nathaniel did was none of her business. Who he married, why he married them, how he felt about it or anything else was _none of her business._

Except it felt like it should be. She cared about all of those things and more. And as someone who cared, it _hurt_ that he would choose a woman he didn't love. It hurt to have his anger directed at her.

Rebecca heard a crunching of gravel and looked up. Nathaniel paused when she saw him, and for a moment they just looked at each other silently. She couldn't read his expression, and didn't care whether he could read hers. After a beat he lifted the open bottle of champagne in his hand and offered her a half-smile. "Care for a walk?"

She thought about ignoring him, about telling him to get stuffed or just getting up and walking away. But he was still a friend, almost, kind of, and she didn't want to be at odds with him. She stood without speaking, and when after a moment he started walking, she followed him.

There were numerous paths leading through the gardens surrounding the entertaining area where the party was held, and he led her down one of those, the music and revelry quietening to background noise as they moved further away from it. Nathaniel waited for her to fall into step with him and then offered her the bottle of wine. She took a large swig, the bubbles burning her throat as they went down, then handed it back to Nathaniel. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he drank deeply and then sighed heavily, unable to pick his mood. He certainly didn't seem angry or annoyed at her anymore, but that's as far as she got.

He turned his head to look at her, and hers darted to the front, not wanting him to catch her watching him. "I thought you'd left," he said quietly.

Rebecca shrugged noncommittally. "Darryl's my ride, and he and White Josh are going through something."

"Ah, yes," he said, his tone picking up. "White Josh misses him."

Taken aback, she turned to look at him in surprise. "How do you know that?"

Now it was Nathaniel's turn to shrug. "We're kind of work-out buddies now."

"Huh." That would explain what he was doing at the party. "Well, stranger things have happened, I guess."

They walked silently through the gardens for a while, passing the bottle back and forth between them. Despite the fact that the idea of liquid courage sounded pretty great right now, she tried to keep her drinks to sips, but the longer Nathaniel remained silent, the harder that became. She certainly wasn't going to start – she had nothing to say that she hadn't said before.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually, startling her slightly after such a long silence. They'd walked far from the party, and while Rebecca could still hear the music, she could no longer pick out any particular tune. It was darker, too, the lights on the path few and far between. "What I said before. I never should have used your illness against you. That was pretty terrible of me, and I don't have an excuse. Or rather, the reasons I have don't excuse it." He paused, swallowed, took a breath. "You'll be happy to know you were right. I don't love her. I…"

Again he stopped talking, and Rebecca slowed her pace, watching him carefully. He'd started out with a false cheerfulness that had faded in a handful of words. Now he was the one who wouldn't look at her. "I didn't have the courage to look for love again," he continued eventually, his voice stronger now. "Not when it hurt too much the last time. Proposing to Mona was me giving up. You can't have your heart broken if you don't put it out there," he said jokingly.

She didn't laugh – couldn't, when his eyes were so sad despite the smile on his face. "I didn't want to be right," she said quietly, and was relieved to realise that despite how she still felt about him, that she was being entirely honest. "I want you to be happy."

His smile faded into something more honest, small and cheerless though it was. "I could be happy enough with her, but I want more than what my parents have," he admitted. "Even if it scares me; even if it's going to hurt." He paused. "So I called off the wedding."

"What?" Rebecca stopped in her tracks as panic made her breath catch in her throat. Nathaniel stopped as well, turning to face her but she couldn't take that covering her face with her hands and stepping backwards away from him. "No, no, no, no, no. I did it again. I interfered and I messed things up for you – I'm so _stupid –_ "

"Hey, no, Rebecca." Warm hands closed around her wrists and gently tugged her hands away from her face. "This was the right thing to do," he said calmly and certainly. He was so close, and she looked into his eyes desperately, searching for his sincerity and finding nothing else. "I explained it to her and yes, she was upset, but she'll be okay. She deserves better. We both do. I'm not the person that she knew in college, and she doesn't make me feel the way…" He faltered, took a deep breath and then stepped back, letting go of her arms.

"The way?" she asked quietly.

He was quiet for a long minute, the time stretching out and making her feel ill. "The way I felt with you," he said, dropping his eyes to the ground. Rebecca swallowed down the sudden lump in her throat. "I don't want to settle for something easy just because it looks good on paper. I want something real. Hell," he said, looking up at her again and gesturing back the way they'd come, "even when you make me mad, you still make me be honest with myself. That's what I want, not thins… Not just a… just a contract and someone to not be in my way," he finished ruefully.

She couldn't help but smile despite the turmoil going on in her gut. "Yeah, that was a pretty terrible thing to say."

"I was trying to convince myself that it was good enough." Suddenly he straightened his shoulders, finding some of the confidence that was one of the things she loved about him. "I don't want good enough," he said plainly. He looked again to where his engagement party was still going. "She slipped away quietly not long ago. The party's mostly done anyway, so I'll let it fizzle out and tell people tomorrow. An email's not too impersonal, right?"

She ignored his attempt at levity. "Are you all right?" she asked instead, catching and holding his gaze to make sure he knew that she meant it.

He smiled at her faintly, and although there was still a hint of sadness there, he mostly just looked calm. "Mostly I feel terrible about how I spoke to you. I shouldn't have taken it out on you just because I didn't want to hear it. But about the engagement… the fact that I'm okay is a big sign that this was the right choice," he said simply.

It didn't feel right to just brush this off, though. "Still," she said. She hesitated a moment longer, then stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Nathaniel paused as well, his chest still as he held his breath for a moment, then slowly he brought his arms around her. Closing her eyes, she rested the side of her head against his chest, and suddenly a hand closed around her heart and _squeezed_. Nathaniel's arms tightened around her and the fist tightened in equal measure, and there it was, finally: the undeniable, irrevocable extent of her feelings for him. The warmth of being in his arms again flooded through her like relief. Overwhelmed with just how much she'd missed him, she buried her face against his neck, struggling to find air but if all she could get was the scent of him then that would surely be enough to sustain her. She managed a ragged breath, and when she felt his chest rise and fall in the same uneven way she felt a little better about how he was affecting her.

Not thinking about anything past this moment and emboldened by his reaction, she lifted her chin, her nose running along his jaw line. He lowered his head to press his cheek against hers, and then it was only a turn of the head and, _oh,_ his lips were on hers. The kiss was long and gentle and sweet, but when he moved his mouth against hers and kissed her more firmly, she couldn't find it in herself to be embarrassed by the hopeless sound that escaped her. Her lips parted and she kissed him with all of the longing that she'd suppressed for the last few weeks, all of the hunger that she'd denied herself, and if the fervour with which he kissed her back was any indication, he'd felt much the same.

Gasping for breath, she laid her head on his chest and felt his cheek against the top of her head. After a moment he pulled back enough to see her face, but his arm around her waist held her firmly to him, and her hands didn't move from his shoulders. His other hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing gently against her skin. "I missed you," he said simply.

She covered his hand with hers, feeling happiness flood her with his admission, but it was tempered as reality barged in, unable to be ignored. "I missed you too." Reluctantly, she drew his hand away from her face, but kept it tight within her grasp. "But there's more to you and me than just that."

"I know." He pressed his lips together, then nodded firmly. "Okay. Have dinner with me tomorrow. Let's do this the right way."

His easy acceptance made her grin. Maybe they were both in better places than they were before. Maybe this time they stood a better chance. "Okay."

"And can I kiss you again? Just once," he added quickly, holding up one finger and raising his eyebrows at her almost like a challenge.

There was that warm feeling again, spreading all through her chest. "Ok-"

His mouth was on hers before she could finish the word, cutting her off but she didn't care. She kissed him with all of her excitement, all of her happiness, all of her hope for the future. His hand was in her hair and the other around her waist, holding her tightly to him, and she pressed herself closer. Tomorrow, they could talk about what they wanted and what they needed – from what he'd said earlier tonight, she was pretty sure of how he felt, and so she felt safe in letting herself get lost in the moment.


End file.
